Matt's rants.

GTA V Trailer

2011-11-02T11:36:00.000-07:00

http://videos.rockstargames.com/streams/V-en_us-trailer1-wmv-1280.wmv

PS4 Design

2011-07-21T13:26:00.000-07:00

My PS4 design:

Eternal Shit-Head Asshats.

2011-05-23T18:41:00.000-07:00

Congratulations, EE-BP, you are the first company to specialize in something no one will ever give a shit about. Lets face it, the rapture isn't coming yet. We may have had a series of tsunamis and earthquakes, but that doesn't prove a damn thing. But, one thing is for sure: the last thing we will give a shit about is our pets. This company (I even feel embarrassed to give them the title of company) will ensure you that your pet will be safe after the rapture. Ok, so let me get this straight, I should shell out $135 for my dog to be saved during the rapture? Fuck that. Hell, I could get a car for that money (a shitty one, don't get a boner) One thing about this company that really pisses me off is that they're "atheists". What an atheist is is someone who denies the existence of god. They shouldn't think about saving animals from the rapture if they don't believe in it. Fucktards. Every one of these stupid fuckers would be put in a prison cell and beaten to death with baseball bats if I were king.

Here's their shitty website: http://eternal-earthbound-pets.com/Home_Page.html

The worst term of 2010: Atheist.

2011-05-14T15:28:00.000-07:00

Before you whine, hear me out. This is one of the most abused "religions" of all time. You know why? It's not that they don't believe in any god, they don't believe in God. Sounds the same? It isn't. I'm talking about the god that Christians believe in. Most atheists don't believe in God mainly because:

1.) They were forced into religion as a child, and resort to Atheism as a means of rebellion, or anti-conformity.

2.) Believing in God is "for kids".

In response to #1, well, that's too bad. I actually have some sympathy for those who have changed their perception of faith because they were forced into it. If your kid wants to pick his/her religion, let them. It's not like you'll be sent to hell. They will. And besides, why should you waste your time with a rebellious, snot-nosed, bratty kid? Put it up for adoption if you really can't handle it.

For #2, that's just immature. If you really think conforming to a specific religion (or lack thereof) makes you more acceptable socially, just stop breathing and die. Now, I bet someone out there is gonna call me a hypocrite because of my view on religion. Do I believe in God? Yes. I do. But not because some preacher shoved the bible up my ass. I chose it because I honestly thought it made the most sense.

Overall, I think they should change the term "atheist" to "I-think-I'm-cool-because-I-don't-believe-in-God-and-I-like-feeling-depressed-all-the-time"

Red Dead Redemption review

2010-08-30T18:14:00.000-07:00

This isn't just a game, it's the best thing ever to come out of Rockstar.

The sheer amount of content here is enough to satisfy every gamer, whether hardcore or casual. The horseback riding, covering mechanic, shooting in general, all perfect. Personally, this is the best game I've played on a next gen console. But first, a confession: I almost made a pledge that I would never buy a cowboy game. The repetitive gameplay and audio blasts from Gun and Red Dead Revolver turned me off of cowboy games for awhile. Good thing Rockstar made this game, because otherwise I would never have played another western shooter again.

SINGLE-PLAYER:

The story is reason enough to buy the game. Full of twists and funny moments; it will make you laugh, cry, but ultimately, wish that every cowboy game was like this. You start out entering a small town named Armadillo searching for a man named Bill Williamson. When you step out of the train and into Armadillo, you see how detailed they made the game. From beautiful landscapes to a bullet travelling through someone's face, your jaw will be floored. When you go to Fort Mercer (Where Bill Williamson is), one of his men shoots you in the stomach. Now the real story begins. You are picked up by a nearby pedestrian, healed, and given a home. Why this happens is explained when you play further in the story.

There are plenty places to unlock later in the story, such as Mexico and Blackwater. The story has many twists as well, and when you finish the single-player campaign, you will be surprised as you watch one of the biggest twists in history. Also, the game has many diverse characters. Seth and Irish are probably the most unique people in video game history, being both funny and just plain odd. All in all, the single-player is stunning. The only problem I had with it is that the Strangers you come by make you do somewhat tedious tasks. This is fine, but the fact that John Marston will drop whatever he is doing just to do mundane tasks to strangers.

9.5 out of 10

GRAPHICS:

For the most part, excellent. The sun rising and setting over the horizon, puddles in the road, and blood from your enemies all look realistic and amazing. The character models are great, too. John is very detailed and all of his suits have been given extreme care and detail. Guns and firepower all look very detailed as well. The "Dead Eye" feature filters in red, and marks red x's on your enemies. Blood splashing out of bandits has never looked so good.

There are some minor issues, however. Sometimes when you play on "Dead Eye", the gun can go straight through your head or your body. Also some framerate dips, but otherwise it's a graphical masterpiece.

9.8 out of 10

SOUND:

It certainly sounds like a western game. Great sound track, good effects used for dead eye and other gun related features, and the animals sound real too. The music is what really stands out in this category, however. The song “Far Away” is possibly the best song ever to be put in a western game.

The voice acting is very well done also, John Marston sounds like a new standard for all cowboys, and you’ll hear the funniest lines from him as well. There are a variety of characters with funny lines, such as Irish and Shaky.

9.3 out of 10

MULTI-PLAYER:

Addicting, to say the least. Very engaging and it never makes you feel outnumbered. What I liked mainly about the multiplayer mode was the Free Roam mode. Here, you can form posses, start skirmishes, and do gang hideouts or just explore. No lag here either, to be honest I’m stunned. When I entered my first match I suspected it to be a lagfest, but no lag whatsoever.

There might be a bit of a ghost server issue, though. Many times I joined a free roam it was just me or maybe some other guy that doesn’t move. This all changes when you invite people or go to a different match, however. It’s still a great multiplayer mode filled with fun little quirks when you level up to keep you playing.

9.8 out of 10

OVERALL:

This game is amazing. Besides a few bugs, there’s nothing I can talk down about. From stepping off the train in Armadillo, to the shattering conclusion, my jaw was floored. Everything here was given extreme detail and shouldn’t be overlooked. I highly suggest you buy this game. Now.

9.9 out of 10

10 out of 10: Flawless in every way. A true classic.

9 to 9.9 out of 10: Nearly perfect. A few bugs, but nothing separating you from a fun experience.

8 to 8.9 out of 10: Great, for the most part. Some issues, may frustrate the gamer, but overall fun.

7 to 7.9 out of 10: Pretty good. There might be some storytelling flaws, maybe some bugs, but you will enjoy most of this title.

6 to 6.9 out of 10: Borderline OK. Has a lot of bugs and/or gameplay issues, but some can find enjoyment in this title.

5 to 5.9 out of 10: Eh. Not good, but not bad. Rent.

4 to 4.9 out of 10: Piss poor. You might find enjoyment, but it’s riddled with issues and un-fun gameplay.

3 to 3.9 out of 10: Avoid. Only diehard fans can find enjoyment in this, even if there is any.

2 to 2.9 out of 10: Shit.

1 to 1.9 out of 10: You might want to buy this game one day, to look back and laugh at how much it sucks.

0.1 to 0.9: It’s just bad. Indescribable.

0 out of 10: This one will be pretty rare to come by. I only award this to a game that either doesn’t work or does nothing when you put it in the system. In other words, disc frisbee.

Best movie ever.

2010-05-08T16:07:00.000-07:00

Well, low-budget at least:

"MegaMan"-Fan Film from Eddie Lebron on Vimeo.

Bioshock 2 for PS3 review

2010-02-13T16:48:00.000-08:00

This game is, by all means, all balls. It doesn't fuck around. When you look at the box art, you think the worst. "Oh, this is just some crappy game where you escort some bitchy girl." You thought WRONG. Bioshock 2 does not bring anything revolutionary to the gaming industry, but god damn it's an amazing game.

1. PRESENTATION

When I booted the game up, I first saw the main menu (besides Game install). It was very simple and straight to the point: Single Player, Multiplayer. You have a variety of options (either one you choose will have an "Options" selection) and it gives you an amount of options including aim sensitivity and faster framerate (I personally suggest turning this on, it can get really slow if you don't. It can even freeze). Whether you hit up multiplayer or indulge yourself in Single Player, you will see that the HUD is very simple and straight forward. You have your ammo, your gun, health, and EVE. Most of the time an objective pointer will be at the top of the screen to guide you on where to go.

10/10

2. GRAPHICS

Amazing. Simply stunning. The dark, beautiful world of Rapture has been re-trashed, and it certainly pays off. The underwater scenes are abseloutly beautiful and some scenes are delightfully disgusting. The character models have a wide variety, and there are many models of the Big Daddy. What's really good though, is the amount to detail on what you can do to you're environment. Oil spills, pools of water, writing on walls just proves how much care and effort they put into this game. Plasmid effects are awesome.

10/10

3. SOUND

Bioshock 2's soundtrack is enchanting to listen to, but it would've been better if you could listen to it more. You can only listen to music when record players are around, which is understandable, but would be much better if we could listen as we please. The voice acting is top-notch, and very memorable. From Eleanor's very distinct British-accent, to Sinclair's sleuthy style of talking, it's abseloutly amazing. The Splicers screams and side talk are frightening and hilarious (in the good way). Explosions could have been louder.

9.5/10

4. SINGLE PLAYER

It's 1959. You are Subject Delta. You kick ass. The Single player mode is not very memorable, but definitely worth a few playthroughs. When you watch the first cutscene **SPOILERS** you think "Why the hell did I just kill myself?". The answer is hidden within the womb of Rapture. Your adventure is to rescue your daughter, Eleanor, who has been captured by Md. Sofia Lamb, who claims to be Eleanor's mother. It get's intense. The only thing I would have to complain about this game's wonderful Single Player mode is that it feels like it's over too quickly. The second playthrough will feel longer.

9.7/10

5. MULTIPLAYER

If you bought this game being a fan of Call Of Duty, Halo, or any FPS, you're in luck. If you bought this game being a fan of anything multiplayer, you're in luck. Multiplayer is very competitive in this game and by all mean, awesome. You start out as rank 1, with a pistol and a few plasmids. It isn't hard to level up in this game if you choose the right match. The game's ranking system is spectacular, but it would be so much better if 40 was raised to 80. The gun selection is awesome, and so are the plasmids. You can have weapon attachments and Gene Tonics, too.

9.9/10

Overall, this game is a must-have, and a must play all the time. It is one of the best games ever, and easily a contender for GOTY.

Overall: 10/10

10: Buy this game. Immediately.

9 to 9.9: While not perfect, it's amazing and a must-have.

8 to 8.9: Great. Worth a rental then buy.

7 to 7.9: Decent if anything. Rental.

6 to 6.9: This is where Movie Games would fall. Proceed with caution.

5 to 5.9: Mediocre. Legendary and Army of Two: 40th Day fall into this category.

4 to 4.9: Poor. Possible to find small amounts of fun

3 to 3.9: You won't like it, unless you are an extremely hardcore fan of the series.

2 to 2.9: Buy a game like this to give to a friend you don't really like anymore.

1 to 1.9: Devoid of any fun whatsoever.

0 to 0.9: Just plastic. If you feel like paying $60 for a disc frisbee, go ahead.

The reason why Gran Turismo 4 kicks more ass than any Forza to come:

2009-12-29T08:50:00.001-08:00

Engine Modifications > Body Modifications

New Comic

2009-12-19T21:45:00.001-08:00

Since unfunny comic strips based on christmas and gaming are the hot new thing, I thought I'd give it a whirl. Here's mine:

Sony sucks cock.

2009-10-09T21:34:00.000-07:00

Today I decided it's finally time to call sony and have them fix my BitchStation3 and pay them the ridiculous amount of $150. While that is bullshit enough, they revealed to me that they are no longer supporting the 40GB version of the PS3. Great. Just fucking great. I was planning on getting a processor for christmas, but it appears that I have to get a new fucking ps3 just to play GTA IV. Thank's a lot sony.

Matt.

Macs are fucking horrible.

2009-09-30T16:27:00.000-07:00

Please read this if you are deciding if you should buy a Mac or a PC:

MAC SUCKS.

Macintosh is by far, the worst piece of technology that has ever surfaced this earth. There are so many flaws, I think I'll begin on:

1. Compatibility

Just by looking at the damn thing you can already see a major flaw: NO UPGRADEABLE MONITOR. I mean with PC, you get a pretty shitty monitor, but at least you can change the damn thing. With Mac, if you want a bigger screen or if the screen is broke, you are fucked. You are royally fucked. Your only options are: A. Get a new Mac (Prices start at about $1,000) B. Bring it in a technician (If you want to deal with more bullshit) or C. Die. These options are limited to some, though. Limited places sell Macs, not many technicians will even look at the fucking thing, and you will probably commit suicide over the distress the damn thing is causing you.

1A. Games

This thing is a horrible gaming system. The fucker can barely run solitare! When it all comes down to it, this thing is not designed for games. It's actual design is for Jeff Goldblum to compare the price of a mac to a fucking pizza. To be brutally honest, it sucks even more than what I told you. I don't own one, I couldn't tell you.

1B. Hardware

Imagine putting a video card in this thing! You have to tear the back fucking cover off, rip the motherboard, and figure out that your video card isn't compatible with the "iMac G3". I have searched high and dead bottom for a Mac complacent video card. I didn't find jack shit.

1C. Software

Internet Explorer, CCleaner, Windows Media Player. What do all of these have in common? THEY DON'T WORK ON MAC. Ho ho, and believe me, this is 1/9999999999999 of what your precious Mac can't handle.

I tried running Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas on a Mac. It spit the damn game out and told me "Syntax Error. Software D:// is not compatible with Mac OS/X. Sorry!". They just had to put that stupid "Sorry!" at the end just to piss people off. Why the hell can't games work with Mac? They claim that you can play "the worlds greatest games" on Mac. If low end flash games are the best games in the world then I guess the Mac lives up to its gaming potential. I've heard rumors that it's possible to run Windows XP on Mac. I looked into this and found out that, yes, you indeed have the option of running XP on a Mac! Here are the "small" requirements:
iMac GSX3 Deluxe Edition ($3,999)

Windows XP program ($199)

Balls (Should come with if you are Male. If they didn't, blame your doctor and/or conjoined twin)

First of all, who would buy a $4,000 computer (that can't run Crysis, mind you)? The only reason I would ever spend that much on a computer is if I got some of that money back. Maybe even then I wouldn't get a computer that much.

2. Operating System

OS/X sucks.

Thanks,

Matt.

"Polar Bears will die if global warming continues". So?

2009-09-26T06:48:00.000-07:00

What the hell did a Polar Bear ever do for me except make a damn good burger? This is Earth. There are more animals than there are us. There will always be more animals than us. There will always be more food, but unfortunately, there will always asshat hippies who will bitch about the environment which will probably disintegrate in about 10,000 years. Besides, who gives a shit what a polar bear thinks?:

They're useless. The only thing the human race could use it for is meat to feed to the dogs, not to mention Golden Retrievers, that is. Thanks for reading this rant, and to all hippies: NO ONE GIVES A RATS ASS ABOUT THE POLAR BEARS.

Thanks,

Matt.

Al Gore is a fat dick who thinks he cares about the environment.

2009-09-15T18:10:00.000-07:00

This asshat named Al Gore thinks he's tough shit about the Environment. He claims that "global warming" is happening everyday and heating up the earth. No shit. Seriously, who didn't fucking know that besides a fat old man who loves heat? Also, he thinks that "the polar bears are suffering". Again, who the fuck cares? What the hell did polar bears ever do for society except make a damn good burger? Hell, I like global warming. I fucking love it, except that it would suck living down south. Wouldn't life be better 60 degrees warmer? Anyways thanks for reading this rant, this one seemed shorter than usual, and there's no picture, but as quoted by me: "Who the fuck cares?"

Thanks,

Matt.

Bill O' Reilly is a fucking pussy.

2009-09-14T18:56:00.001-07:00

He's a fucking pussy. When I saw a kid owning him on his own show, and all he was doing was defending his show and not his well being, I realized that Bill O' Reilly wouldn't last 1 day in a political office of any kind. He wouldn't even make a good lobbyist! I mean have you ever seen the asshole's show? He thinks that Obama has a nuclear bomb for a penis and is ready to launch at will (No joke). Also, this asshole's a vegetarian, which means he doesn't like bacon. This is the ultimate reason why he is an annoying pussy and a hack.

Thanks,

Matt.

"XD" is the stupidest fucking Internet abbreviation ever.

2009-09-14T17:55:00.000-07:00

What the hell is the point of "XD"? I know that the X is supposed to represent the eyes and the D is a disambigulation for the mouth. I can understand that the D is supposed to be the mouth but the eyes are an x. AN X? They couldn't think of anything other than a fucking X? Seriously, what the hell? A lot of my friends use this "meme" (or so it's called) to show a happy, laughing mood or phase, but sometimes they kick themselves in the balls for using it because they realize that "XD" doesn't look like a person laughing at all. If you look at it counterclockwise it looks like a cock with a bow-tie, take a look:

The people who use this "meme" also must be either retarded, or a pedophile (92% Retarded, 8% pedo). I forgot to mention earlier: [sic] is the stupidest fucking thing anyone could ever write on anything. What's the point of writing the letters s, i, and c within brackets just to explain something? To use the disambigulation [sic], your reasoning must be changed because if you use [sic] and fully intend it, you're an asshat.

Thanks,

Matt.